Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Saturday, October 31, 2020
Thursday, January 9, 2020
Are Bad Jokes for Intelligent People?
PLAYING WITH WORDS
Last night I dreamt I wrote The Lord of the Rings. Then I realized I was just Tolkien in my sleep
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Why does Sweden have barcodes on all of its ships? So they can Scan-di-navy-in.
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What pencil did Shakespeare write with?
2B.
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Who’s the King of the classroom? The ruler.
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I’m close friends with 25 letters of the alphabet… I don’t know Y.
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Last night my classroom was broken into and all of the dictionaries were stolen. I’m lost for words.
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I’ve never met a three, but I have… "metaphor".
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You can throw an envelope as far as you want, but it’ll still be "stationary".
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I’ve been working on a Scandinavian joke. But it’s not quite "Finnish".
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What do you call a belt made from watches? A "waist" of time.
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- Why did the scarecrow win a Nobel Prize?
- For being “out standing” in his field.
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- What do you call a Frenchman in sandals?
- "Philippe Philoppe."
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How do you get Pikachu on a bus? You poke him on.
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- I don’t think I deserved zero on this test!- Teacher: I agree, but that’s the lowest mark I could give you.
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- I will always tell you to follow your dreams, but I’ll never let you sleep in class.
Thursday, December 13, 2018
Sunday, October 7, 2018
Bad Short Jokes
What’s
the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws
are wanted.
I
bought my friend an elephant for his room.
He said “Thanks”
I said “Don’t mention it”
This
is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.
My
friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep.
I
said “40”
I
told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.She seemed
surprised.
I
have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Toronto zoo.
My
wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my
foot down.
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.She seemed surprised.
I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Toronto zoo.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
My friend says to me: “what rhymes with orange”
I said: “no it doesn’t”
And God said to John, come forth and you shall be granted eternal life.
But John came fifth and won a toaster.Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn’t see that well.
Whatdya call a frenchman wearing sandals?
Phillipe Phillope.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?A carrot.
So what if I don’t know what Armageddon means? It’s not the end of the world
Wife says to her programmer husband, “Go to the store and buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, buy a dozen.”
Husband returns with 12 loaves of bread.
I used to be addicted to soap, but now I’m clean…
Two men meet on opposite sides of a river. One shouts to the other “I need you to help me get to the other side!”
The other guy replies “You are on the other side!”
www.thepoke.co.uk
Friday, August 4, 2017
Sunday, January 3, 2016
New Year's Resolutions
A New Year's resolution is a tradition in which a person makes a promise to do an act of self-improvement or
something slightly nice beginning from
New Year's Day.
Religious origins:
Babylonians made promises to their gods at the start of each year that they would return borrowed objects and pay their debts.
The Romans began each year by making promises to the god Janus, for whom the month of January is named.
In the Medieval era, the knights took the "peacock vow" at the end of the Christmas season each year to re-affirm their commitment to chivalry.
At watchnight services, many Christians prepare for the year ahead by praying and making these resolutions
Stick to your resolutions!
New Year’s resolutions are fun to make but extremely difficult to maintain. While about 75% of people stick to their goals for at least a week, less than half (46%) are still on target six months later.
It's hard to keep up the enthusiasm months after you've swept up the confetti, but it's not impossible. This year, pick one of the following worthy resolutions, and stick with it. Here’s to your health!
Some jokes
Religious origins:
Babylonians made promises to their gods at the start of each year that they would return borrowed objects and pay their debts.
The Romans began each year by making promises to the god Janus, for whom the month of January is named.
In the Medieval era, the knights took the "peacock vow" at the end of the Christmas season each year to re-affirm their commitment to chivalry.
At watchnight services, many Christians prepare for the year ahead by praying and making these resolutions
Stick to your resolutions!
New Year’s resolutions are fun to make but extremely difficult to maintain. While about 75% of people stick to their goals for at least a week, less than half (46%) are still on target six months later.
It's hard to keep up the enthusiasm months after you've swept up the confetti, but it's not impossible. This year, pick one of the following worthy resolutions, and stick with it. Here’s to your health!
Thursday, September 17, 2015
Monday, June 8, 2015
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Monday, July 23, 2012
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