Numbers, Dates, Time

Bad Short Jokes

What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

          Outlaws are wanted.

I bought my friend an elephant for his room. 

          He said “Thanks”

          I said “Don’t mention it”

This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.

My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep.

I said “40”

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.She seemed surprised.

I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Toronto zoo.

My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

My friend says to me: “what rhymes with orange”
I said: “no it doesn’t”

And God said to John, come forth and you shall be granted eternal life. 

But John came fifth and won a toaster. 

Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn’t see that well.

Whatdya call a frenchman wearing sandals?

Phillipe Phillope.

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?A carrot.

So what if I don’t know what Armageddon means? It’s not the end of the world

Wife says to her programmer husband, “Go to the store and buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, buy a dozen.”
Husband returns with 12 loaves of bread.

     I used to be addicted to soap, but now I’m clean…

Two men meet on opposite sides of a river. One shouts to the other “I need you to help me get to the other side!”
The other guy replies “You are on the other side!”

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Family Vocabulary

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A Short Story

A Wise Old Owl 

There was an old owl that lived in an oak. Everyday he saw incidents happening around him. 

Yesterday he saw a boy helping an old man to carry a heavy basket. 

Today he saw a girl shouting at her mother. The more he saw the less he spoke. 

As he spoke less, he heard more. He heard people talking and telling stories. He heard a woman saying that an elephant jumped over a fence. He also heard a man saying that he had never made a mistake. 


The old owl had seen and heard about what happened to people. Some became better and some became worse. But the old owl had become wiser each and every day. 
Moral of the story : 

You should be observant, talk less but listen more. This will make you a wise person. 

Do you want to read more stories? Click on the link below:

http://www.english-for-students.com/Moral-Stories.html

The possessive case form. Some examples

1.  's is used with singular nouns and plural nouns not ending in -s

      The man's job - men's perfume - the woman's car - women's handbags - 
      a child's voice - the children's room - the people's choice - the boy's house

2. A simple apostrophe (') is used with plural nouns ending in -s
       
      The girls' money - the students' books  The boys' schoolbag

3. Note the difference:

     Peter and Tom's house = Peter and Tom own the same house.
     Peter's and Tom's house = Peter and Tom own different houses

4. With compound nouns or names consisting of several words,  the last word takes the 's
     
      Her sister-in-law's friend - My step-father's name -
      Henry the Eighth's wives - The Prince of Wales's guard

5. Names ending in s can take 's or the apostrophe alone (')
    James's house /[...sɪz]        James' house 

6. In time expressions

     a week's holiday - today's newspaper . tomorrow's land
     
                                  Adapted from A Practical English Grammar A.J Thomson, A.V. Martinet     Oxford